Friday, May 08, 2009
Dear Tan Zhong Ming
Today at 2.50pm
Dear Tan Zhong Ming,
I don't really know how to tell you this, I’m in love with your cat. I think I realized it When I quoted Forrest Gump in your closet and I saw you Sit on My boyfriend. I'm sure you're cowardly enough to understand That I get turned on only by garbage men. I'm returning Your toe ring to you, but I'll keep Your credit cards as a memory. You should also know that I Love your sweet, sweet ass and I'm scratching my butt as you read this.
Go milk a cow,
YA
Here's how you do it:
Dear (someone you recently talked to),
I don't really know how to tell you this,(1). I think I realized it (2)(3) and I saw you (4)(5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning your (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11).
(12),
Name
1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black - Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you
Other -I dislike your eyelashes
2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forrest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When I saw the purple monkey
August - When you smacked my ass
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear
3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
Chicken- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Lasagna - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Other - With George Bush and Stephen Harper
4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit of
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over
5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Other --The elephant in the corner
6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost - High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scared
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Other - shamed
7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks
8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - The pictures from Vegas
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear
9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - My virginity
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbors dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards
10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard.
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Hate your cooking
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – am better off without you
11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine
Other – you should stop picking your nose
12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself
copy and paste on your own blogs! its fun....
Call Of The Wild at 10:45 PM
Monday, May 04, 2009
aww, huixing korkor's ROM was so sweet...
a thousand blessings for the couple, happy marriage!
i was expecting the ceremony to be like an hour plus. but in reality, it was just 10mins.
so a woman sits behind a table and asks questions in a small room, recites the vows
the couple, exchange vows, rings and kisses. and signs it off on an official legalised certificate.
so sweet, i could see they were both so joyous. btw, only 10 ppl were allowed in the room, i was very lucky to observe it.
RANDOM: pls roll your eyes
i accidentally locked my phone on sunday, and it required a passcode which i forgot
i suffered, for 1 day... ok, 1 and 1/2 days
today i travelled all the way to singtel hello! store at compasspoint and got the passcode
aahhhh....
ok, i felt that i rely too much on my phone these days.. imagine to my horror when i cant sms
@.@
omg...
jianming, i know how u feel.... finally
and when a cloud that could make it on the front page of my sky album comes along, i couldnt snap a pic of it TT
i missed it this evening... TT...... waarrgghhh
was happy that chen lao shi cooled down over the weekend. so she's calmer, i made too many mistakes in zuowen.
so glad she didnt go into another bout of fury, today. heng ar, yx, warren and me.. heng ar.
i feel sorry for saying WK is nooby
did not mean it that way, because its just plain insulting, hope i dint hurt WK
i dint want Yx to say it out but, ok, im just plain evil. full stop now shut
was travelling back on an MRT just now from compasspoint.
QUESTION TIME!
ever wondered why there are no flies in an MRT?
5mins
ok times up.
ok, when we're in a train, we travel at the same velocity as the train.
thats because we have friction between us and the train.
so as the train travels, we go along...whheee
as for a fly, a fly flies in midair.
there's no friction between the fly and the train, except for air.
so... the fly, dies
how? well, as the train accelerates, and btw, flies fly really slowly.
so wham. the back of the train smashes the fly. coz train travels faster than fly. back of train catches up with fly and smashes it like a human banging into a moving car.
btw, nxt time, walk to the back of the train. look for any small dust-like particles. those are flies...gross... but cool
btw, if no flies, it means they all died of the air-con... u heard me, air-con is deadly... mwahahaha
all the flies kena lung cancer and tong tong qiang.
i saw a fly just now, then as the train started accelerating towards hougang mrt station, the fly landed on a metal pole, slowly, it lost its grip( btw its travelling at the same velocity as the train because it held on) then it let go and flew for a while.
then i saw it slow down and hurtle to the back of the train. poor fly, laughed at it, so in a way, im evil.
ohno... code orange! everyday take temperature. ODT everywhere! need to record 2 times a day.
SWINE FLU!!!
Call Of The Wild at 7:53 PM